A lonely evening

Hi everyone.

It has been years since I'm on Reddit. Lurking in the shadows.

But tonight, I'm sad. Like many other days but I want to express myself. To strangers. I don't know why.

I have no reason to be sad. I have a job. I have a girlfriend. I have no medical issue. Soon, I'll be able to save a lot of money while enjoying life (selling my house and living with my girlfriend without paying a part of her mortgage credit - double win).

But tonight I'm sad. Why? Because my girlfriend is in a bar with some friends. From 6pm till.. Well, I'll see. And it's good for her. She is enjoying life like the good extrovert she is. She is like a living rainbow, always full of joy. And I love her for that.

But me, I'm alone. Because I have no friend. Not a single one I could have a drink with. Not even a single one I could have a chat on WhatsApp/Messenger or whatever. And I'm sad because of that.

It's my fault. During 35 years, I have been an introvert, enjoying myself and just me. It was not a huge problem. But three years ago, when my ex left me for someone else, telling me that she was ashamed of me, I decided to change, to be more open.

And I tried. I joined two sport clubs for some time, met great people there but no one to connect with. I have a group of people I meet "regulary" to play some board games but the interaction stops after the event. No news otherwise.

I had many opportunities to meet some of my girlfriend's friends and they found me nice, which was great to hear. But I'm still lonely. I try to connect to people but it's like they don't want to connect with me. I'm not forcing, or feeling desesperate. I'm just myself, smiling to them. But they don't see me. Or they don't care. It's like I'm not interesting enough for them.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I'm not less sad. It still hurts. It's like I'm currently paying for 35 years of introversion. But tonight, I wanted to write. Like in a personal diary. I seek no advice. I don't want some pity. Just expressing myself. Out there, on the Internet.

PS : as a non English native speaker, is my writing OK or..? Just to improve myself.