Crunchy peanut butter is for suckers

Why would anyone settle for less than the best? Don't you deserve to treat yourself?

Crunchy peanut butter is okay, sure, but it's not even finished. They got halfway through making it and were like "okay, that's all I've got in me." What kind of lazy of a peanut butter baron doesn't finish the job?

You might be thinking "I like the crunch, I prefer it even!" But do you? Isn't that just Big Peanut Butter brainwashing you into thinking you chose an inferior product, because it bolsters their bottom line?

Wake up, I say! Don't let The Man deprive you of rich, creamy, fully completed peanut butter!