I’m a firefighter. Yesterday I responded to my first fatal car crash. And it effected me more than I ever anticipated

I’m new to the job, and I knew inevitably this is something I would see one day. However, it has been almost a year of being an FF. And I’ve responded to heaps of car crashes. None have ever been fatal. This one was different.

2 people died in this crash. What made it a lot more difficult was the fact that one of the fatalities was a young kid we estimate to be younger then 10 years old.

They weren’t wearing a seatbelt. And they were crumpled up into the footwell of the drivers side. Where the pedals for the car are. They were severely injured and sitting underneath their dad.

I was part of the body recovery team after. Cutting them out and taking the bodies out of the car. For some reason the full adult male body didn’t bother me all that much. Even though he was far more mutilated and injured.

It is the sight of the young kid who keeps popping into my head. Even after like 30 hours. I could be doing anything, mowing the lawn, and suddenly I think see the vision of that child, dead in that car.

This isent what I expected to experience. I know I’m going to have to get used to this if I want to have a career in firefighting. But I don’t know how the hell anyone can become “used” to seeing mangled corpses. I feel it might be effecting me more since it was a young child and not a car full of adults.

I know I can reach out to other FF’s or the support programs specifically out in place for this. And I’ve received numerous phone calls from chaplains and support officers as per policy. But for the most part I just tell them I’m doing well. I don’t want especially my first time around to be the guy that breaks down and gets booted off the job