I just shouted at my month old baby

And I couldn't feel worse about it.

My baby is a month old today and had their first craniosacral appointment. He slept through it and I was told he was doing really well. The therapist told me that he may get fussy for a few days afterwards so I thought I was prepped for this.

My son has been going through a cluster feeding phase which I find incredibly exhausting. He also struggles with gas pain. I EBF so its exhausting having him go on one boob to the next whilst crying in discomfort from the gas but he also won't burp when I try either.

Well this evening, I was heading for my evening nap as usual and I got about 30 minutes before my husband woke me since my son was showing feeding signs. He'd just had a huge feed before but I relented and fed. He's been feeding on/off for the last 5 hours. And I'm broken.

Its not his usual cluster feed where he's just feeding whilst I watch Netflix and eat chocolate. This is awful.

My son rarely cries, he just fusses a bit but from 8pm today, he's been screaming crying. He'll show hungry signs so I'll feed, he'll unlatch and scream so I try and burp him, he throws up. He cries for food again, and the process repeats. Its now almost 1am and I'm covered in breast milk, spit up and vomit. I cant watch anything since he's just screaming, my nipples are RAW from the constant feeding even with nipple shields.

I'm running on no sleep, I smell, my face is swollen from stress and I'd just reached my limit.

A few minutes ago, after hours and hours of screaming, crying, feeding, throwing up, I placed my son on the floor and yelled 'STOP' in his face. He seemed shocked and stopped crying for a moment before crying harder.

That's when my husband (whose been amazing) stepped in and took him out for a walk in his stroller and demanded I get some sleep but I cant. I'm wracked with guilt. I feel awful that I did this. I cant stop crying.