I posted recently in r/childfree about my bisalp surgery. Please see my account for that post to read for context to this one. I’m at a complete loss with my SIL

My SIL is angry with me for not telling her about my procedure. She found out from my personal post of FB and instagram. I had asked my husband not to say anything to his family. I wanted them to find out when I was ready to share.

His sister has two children (6 and 2) and claims she has been there through my fertility journey. I have had two miscarriages. When I told my husband about this he flat out said she hasn’t.

There are things I can’t tell my SIL. The night she was giving birth to her second, we were getting bombarded with text and picture updates from her husband. I was in a bad place after seeing a fertility expert that day and told my husband I wanted to kill myself. I never told her this because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She then got mad because it was going on two months and I hadn’t seen her daughter yet. I just wasn’t ready. Mentally and emotionally I didn’t feel I could handle it. She called me selfish and said it’s not always about me.

I am coming to the realization that she has always gaslit me in the past. It’s always been my fault. I’ve always been the one apologizing for something. She has never been in the wrong. She has never apologized to me EVER.

Well she sent me a text that she was triggered by my post because I didn’t share it with her that I was getting the surgery done. She claims again that she’s been there through my fertility journey, which she hasn’t. I told her that she’s hasn’t. I told her there were things I haven’t shared with her. She said it’s a misjudgment and hurtful.

Hasn’t asked how I’m healing. Hasn’t asked how I’m doing. I finally got the confidence up to tell her she’s making this about herself and she said that’s hurtful. She has blamed me in the past for making things about myself (her newly born daughter and the fact I was struggling mentally to cope).

I just don’t get it!! My husband said she’s throwing a fit when it doesn’t need to be thrown. We weren’t told her husband had a vasectomy until after the fact.

I cried so much last night. I feel like our relationship, whatever the fuck kind of relationship we had, is gone. I’m done. I’m utterly done being a punching bag for her. I’m done being gaslit by her. I need to gain my confidence and stand up for myself. But it hurts so much. I’m trying so hard to let this go and not let her get to me. I’ve always tried to make her like me and have always apologized.

But I’m done. I’ve been pushed too far.