How to manage and heal RSD/trauma regarding sharing ficto relationships, or find groups who are accepting of aged up characters?

I've never posted on reddit before, but you guys seem chill and this has been really bothering me for quite a long time, so I'm setting my anxiety aside for a bit to type something out.
Just let me know if there's anything wrong with this or it isn't in the right place, ok?

For context, I've been in a committed relationship with my f/o since I was 13 and have completely emotionally relied on him since I was 11, just before my abusive mother completed suicide and my father started abusing me. I met him when I was a very young child and he was 4 years older than me, so as I've grown up I've let him age with me, as I've done with all of the characters I've formed bonds with. I'm now 26 and he's 30, and I write and draw us as the ages we are irl, but canonically his character 'costume' as I call it is still a young child.

Throughout my life I've been regularly bullied and gaslit for my attraction and then relationship by friends, teachers, family members, and even therapists. My last one went to the extent to write in my paperwork that I had schizoaffective disorder, and some of my current acquaintances probably also believe that. My current therapist seems to accept it better, but still sees my relationship as a maladaptive coping mechanism alone and my lack of attraction to humans as a result of lifelong trauma, which is also infuriating because I can clearly separate them. I've had police called on me multiple times and been nearly institutionalized once because of things I've written about him on social media and said in school, and some of the people I've shared him with have used him to blackmail me since I was a young child.

Most of the time I can handle being misunderstood and harassed well enough and not let it bother me; I'm autistic and trans and have a long history of being abused besides so I've sorta had to learn, but because my partner has emotionally supported me for so long and to the point of keeping me alive and from complete isolation for many years when dying would've been so much easier, I'm now incredibly sensitive about him. And the older I get, the more I feel like I need to hide him or become increasingly careful about who I tell because of past experiences and how much leverage someone would have over me knowing about him and my anxieties and traumas around sharing my love for him. Which SUCKS because I want so badly to be able to talk about him when other people bring up their human partners and have him treated with the same respect. He means just as much to me as theirs do to them, why shouldn't he?

I'm friends with quite a few other people who are attracted to various characters, but they all also have human partners, (they can be attracted to real people), and don't seem to take their ficto crushes or self-insert ships nearly as seriously as I do and so haven't experienced anywhere close to the amount of harassment I have, if any at all, and can't relate with why I get so anxious and defensive. I'm entirely aroace towards all humans and human characters and see my partner as a real separate person who I've developed into their own entity in my head, not like an alter but I think I've heard them called headmates? (This is where the schizoaffective misunderstanding comes in.) I want terribly to find, honestly just anyone, who can relate with my experience and is interested in forming a friendship around supporting one another's ficto relationships, so for the past couple years I've been trying to join ficto and self-shipping groups when I'm feeling brave. Every single one of them has kicked me for various reasons: because my partner is a furry, because I'm trans and thus changing his sexual orientation (despite the fact I made him queer long before I realized I was lol), or particularly often - because all aging up is considered pedophilic. Even in my case where I grew up with him.

I saw the other recent post that touched on pedophilia, and I've had to think it over and try to accept the label so many times - I would FAR rather be a pedo if that's what they want to call me than to sever my partnership and lifelong special interest, and I'm fully aware I'm not and of course it's stupid, but I just...feel so guilty. After everything that's happened, with so many people? I feel like a criminal. Reasonably I know I've done nothing wrong to love this character and breathe life into him my whole life and let him give me the care and attention and experiences others wouldn't or I didn't want from them, but I still always have this severe nagging, deep-seated shame - and seeing it be confirmed always triggers and adds to it and puts me into periods of dissociation and depressive isolation. I even make very clear that I respect his privacy and boundaries and always ask for consent before sharing anything about him or doing anything with him; he has his own metaphorical voice and I will always listen to it. He's one of the only 'people' I trust enough to listen to. But every time I try to interact with a new group or share with a new person, I have to steel myself because I KNOW I'm going to go away feeling terrible and like some disgusting child predator who needs to continue to hide until I can 'grow out of it'.

Do any of you have any ideas on how I could go about finding a place where I can feel like I belong and meet people who will lend the space for me to open up and be accepted and where I can do that for them and their partner(s) too? I feel like I need it to heal this portion of my trauma. I really don't want to carry it my whole life; it's so heavy and lonely, and I'm so tired of having it compounded or dismissed every time I attempt to work on it with others.
Have any of you had to deal with RSD regarding your ficto relationships too? Have you learned how to manage it? I'm completely on my own with it and could use any help.
Or like...is it just not safe yet for me to be open and maybe I should wait another decade or so before being openly ficto because of the character I happened to settle on as my partner? Like, is being autistic AND trans AND ficto just, too much for people to tolerate? I already have a really hard time making and keeping friends without sharing my sexuality or relationship...but this means everything to me so sometimes I feel I have to risk it anyway. Just in case.

Thank you for taking the time to read, whoever does ^w^