I feel like I know nothing about Islam compared to other Ex-Muslims

One misconception Muslims have about Ex Muslims is that they committed apostasy due to some emotional conclusions or attention or lack of knowledge when if anything its the opposite. Frankly, Ex-Muslims dig much deeper into their former faith as they've been following their whole lives trying to discover why they left. And ironically understand Islam because instead of reading the Quran, they understood it.

Now back to my situation. I've been an Ex Muslim, closeted because I am not financially independent for the past 3 years now. I feel like I just haven't studied much about Islam. When I'm on any forum or subreddit with Ex Muslims, I feel like a noob just listening in barely understanding everyone is talking about. I don't fully understand philosophy, history, maths, social sciences, politics, science, economics, literature, art etc. Also I would consider myself a monolingual because I can only understand and say broken phrases of my native language.

I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. Even outside of religion, I'm so lazy. I don't have a job. I don't understand anything about the world. I still feel like a little kid.