Can I become comfortable interacting with a girl's penis as a cis woman?

Trigger warning I guess.

I'm sorry if using the word penis is offensive, I just didn't know how else to phrase the question. For context, I have never had sex but I'm in my late twenties. I have always like women and I would identify more as queer than bisexual or pansexual. There is a trans woman I'm talking to online and I really like her (have feelings for her) and she likes me too obviously. I don't know if I will ever meet her but that doesn't matter. The issue is things have progressed a bit too much emotionally to be point I think both of us would be hurt if things didn't work out sexually. The problem is, it's hard for me to know for sure, which of course would also apply with a cis woman but there is an element of added anxiety for me. I have expressed that I don't know how our connection would be in person or how I would feel. I don't want to get into details about us in a public forum to be honest so you don't have to give me advice regarding her. I was very afraid to post this, thinking people will berate me for even getting involved with someone when I have doubts but my feelings developed naturally and it wasn't planned and we live in different countries. Obviously I know about her genitalia, she told me semi-recently. I understand the general advice is communicate and communication but these things need their time and there are aspects we have spoken about and there is no reason to prematurely talk about things when the question of basic chemistry in person beyond sex is still up in the air.

Okay, onto the main question. The thing is sex makes me nervous in general, even with a cis woman I would be very nervous about touching her but what I realized is when I like a woman it's not her genitals I'm thinking about but more her body in general and her energy so I thought maybe it could be fine either way. So, it's easier for me to imagine or be aroused by thinking of her penetrating me, even though that's a bit cisheteronormative... than thinking of stimulating her in other ways, though performing oral does seem arousing sometimes. I just find it harder to think of being the one in control though this applies in general (regardless of anatomy) for me I suppose. The thing is however, throughout my life, talking to my friends (other cis women) I realized that at first they were also more nervous than aroused about penises, how they look... doing oral sex and touching one... For my part I never met a trans woman before and was never truly interested in having sex with a man so I never got the chance to 'get used to it'. At the same time I realize my discomfort goes beyond just not knowing if I can please her and that troubles me. I think everyone deserves to be with someone who is 100% comfortable and into them but I also feel that if you really like someone there is no reason to write them off because of their genitals and this what I have read online as well.

This might be a bit triggering so I apologize in advance. I'm an outlier in the fact that I mostly find porn and explicit content appalling and disturbing so trying to 'educate' (very quote unquote) myself through it has made me very nervous and jittery and has backfired for the most part. And I didn't even watch two people having sex, I just personally (and this is very personal) can't stand seeing women in vulnerable positions and poses like that let alone find it arousing and that with the added element of this difference has made me uncomfortable. The online communities I researched have made me deeply uncomfortable, with pet play and kinks like that also so in general I am not feeling so well about it right now and I feel very on edge. On the one hand I want to get used and become comfortable with it but on the other hand I wonder if I'm trying to condition myself and that doesn't feel right either...

I realize no one in here can tell me if my relationship will work and in any case I am only looking for general advice or hearing about your experiences if you don't mind sharing. And I apologize if I offended someone by sharing these doubts because I understand it might be unpleasant for people to read. I don't want to be transphobic or make anyone feel lesser than, as a woman I have many things I dislike about myself and I realize I wouldn't like it if they were constantly talked about like this issues is but if you have read this far I hope you will be understanding.

Edit: First of all thank you all for your kind answers. I am relieved and touched by the supporting messages! I just wanted to clarify that when I mention porn I mostly just mean explicit images and selfies and not the typical porn of two people having sex on a set. In general porn makes me very uncomfortable and I realize it's unrealistic in many ways and I know trans women acting like a dominatrix is a very bad stereotype. I did not even bother to look for something like this. I do not want to get into details of what I looked at and I don't know why penetration is more comfortable for me to think about, it might be just the closeness of it, like how some women enjoy strap-ons? I have also talked to her about this and she is ok with it but I didn't go into many details nor asked her how often she wants it or if she's always physically able to as it felt intrusive.