sometimes i hate this fetish so much

I don't hate the part about being attracted to fat women (i love that part and i love fat women), but i hate the part of the fantasy about getting fatter. As a man i know that getting fat will be a death sentence in the dating scene,given also that many fat women want a fit/slim man because they love contrast. So when the weight gain fetish hits and i can't masturbate, the weight gain fetish takes control of my mind and rationalize becoming obese. Once i masturbate it's over and i regret what i did (binge eating to become obese and other stuff).

If i were to be a woman i would give in and become fat, but for men there's no representation of obese men. Usually when you see a fat man on any platform it's because he's the joke,the object to ridicule, the fat dumbass, he's not a sex symbol like a fat woman can be.