No Friends

I just need to vent a little.

I’m a 4th-year. Now, I know it’s difficult to make friends in college and not everyone has a friend group/etc. I fall into that category. I’ve done pretty much everything you can think of, joining clubs, trying to hang out with some folks after classes, going to the dining commons but even though there’s some interaction, nothing really clicks and things get pretty awkward from there. Everything feels forced and it’s suffocating. While I do have acquaintances, they all have their own groups and lives and I don’t think I have anyone who I can call a friend. I also do believe that I’m intentionally being excluded from events, hangouts, and much more. I have a hunch that it’s my personality that’s driving folks away or perhaps my intense desire for some form of validation/conformity. Maybe I’m too fake. Sure I’m trying to move on and go about with my life, knowing that college isn’t the final stop for making friends, but I can’t help but feeling crushed. I’m always asking myself what am I doing wrong? Why do people hate me so much? Why can’t I seem to click with anyone?

As I eat my meals alone in the dining commons, I still ask myself these questions.

Thank you for reading this disorganized post.