14 years old and suicide is always on my mind

it’s useless to keep on living I don’t think I’ll make it to 2025 cause every time I look at a sharp object I think about gutting myself or skinning myself or stabbing myself I wish I was in a dangerous situation when sone random person takes a gun out on me and shoot me I attempted suicide a year ago and it was pretty bad for me and my family if I cut or do anything else thst harms me I would be put in a mental hospital,I don’t wanna be there, so I’m hoping someone else would kill me instead of ne doing it