My (22M) family is too controlling and manipulative, and it's eating me out.

Hey everyone,

I'm a 22M, born and raised in a poor lower-middle-class family. We've struggled financially for as long as I can remember. But I always dreamt big, nerdy about tech, superbikes, supercars, etc. Things got way better when my older sibling started earning (18+LPA), but not much changed for me personally. My family paid for my college, which I appreciate, but I still couldn’t buy anything beyond basic necessities. I had to practically beg my mom and sibling for a laptop for my studies (I majored in Computer Science). I still use the bicycle I had since 3rd grade, and I’ve never had pocket money, gone shopping, or eaten out. I always rely on public transport, even when I’m unwell or in urgent situations. I begged for a scooty or motorcycle throughout college, especially since my daily commute took 5.5 hours, but they refused to let me stay in a hostel or get a vehicle.

Things improved a bit during my 3rd year of college when I landed an internship that paid decently (~40k per month). It gave me some financial freedom, and I saved a good chunk of it. Joined a gym (I was too unhealthy and had severe body image issues). During my college, unfortunately, my phone got stolen, and I decided to buy an iPhone, something I’d always wanted. But when I mentioned it, my mom manipulated me with tears, trying to stop me from buying it. I went ahead and bought it anyway, using my own money.

Fast forward to my final year of college, I secured a remote job with a US-based startup, making around 30 LPA. With this job, I finally gained full financial independence. I stopped stressing over money and started going out more with friends, trekking, and even taking vacations. But my mom didn’t take it well. She constantly questioned me about where I was going and why I didn’t ask for permission. Every time I spend money on something I enjoy, I get the silent treatment or emotional blackmail. When I asked why I couldn’t spend my own money on things that made me happy, she responded, "The money is yours, but you're my son, so the money is mine too." She also criticizes me for wearing trendy clothes, saying I look like a "lafanga" (scoundrel).

For context, I’m not reckless with money. I save most of it, only spending occasionally on things that make me happy or improve my lifestyle.

Am I a bad son for wanting to enjoy the fruits of my labor? Why are they so controlling? How do I handle this situation?

Would really appreciate some advice. Thanks!