Wanting to relapse after 125 days. It’s not getting easier.

I’ve been vape free for 125 days. I quit because of working in healthcare and being annoyed with how much I had to go to the bathroom to vape.

I thought I would be without cravings after a month or two, but oh my GOD this is not getting easier. I still have an oral fixation and often pretend to breathe in through my lip gloss in order to calm my mind down. I want to smoke all the time.

Can someone help me figure out what to do? I’m seriously on the edge of relapsing and if it’s not a physical dependence anymore, I’m not sure what’s driving me to go back.

Edit on day 126: I didn’t buy a vape. I called my state’s stop smoking hotline and got a counseling session. We went through the reasons that I loved vaping and he wanted me to try and mourn the loss of that, since it can feel like breaking up with a bad ex. Sounds silly, but he told me to write a letter to my vape as if I was saying goodbye to it. Start with all the things I miss about it, then move on to why I can’t go back, finish off with how I imagine my future without it. I think it helped.