Just picked up my sweet baby’s ashes

I’ve always lurked this community. I would see your post and quickly scroll because I didn’t think this would happen to me. Until it did.

My yorkie Kibbles passed away two weeks ago. He was fine until the week before, I took him to get an xray and what came up prompted an ultrasound to begin a plan for healing. He was fine for days. Then overnight, his health heavily declined and it was too late. I had him for 8 years. He’s been with me through every milestone in my twenties.

I’ve never experienced death before. All my siblings, parents, and grandparents are still alive. The grief process is brutal. I can’t taste food, or smell. I’m tired from crying. I was doing well until now.

I just picked up his ashes from the vet. A place I always go to pick him up after shots or exams and he wags his tail. Instead I just picked him up in a container of dust. I didn’t have the strength to walk to my car and drive home. Please tell me this gets better.