I feel hopeless

My OCD has been crushing me since 2020. Every moment is just pain. The bad part is that it never ends. I'll just have to tolerate it. I will never know what it's like to live a normal life.

Why me? And why this thing? Couldn't I be just a normal person like everybody else?

Maybe medication will help. But no. It makes things worse. OK now try this medicine. Oh it doesn't work either. There's (what I call) "OCD ceasefire" so let's enjoy life for once. Let's see how it feels to breathe the air and enjoy existing. Because soon OCD will come back stronger.

I believe It's a brutal war but it will end. Even though now I'm here struggling for life and going through all of this, I'm sure I can feel alive again. There WILL be a moment in which I'm sitting there, looking at the nature, and enjoy peace.

But no. It's just a mirage. That moment will never come. This thing never ends. It might seem like it's about to get better but that's just not true. Nothing will work. It will not change. Let's not be delusional, I was born with this and I have to struggle with it for life. It's a pitty to be such an unlucky person to suffer from this chronic pain.