Update!! Texting MIL- Need help

Updateeee on my last 2 posts! I’m chasing LO around the house while I type this so I hope it all makes sense.

So we never let MIL come over and bring my gift, and we never responded to her ab it. Then she saw DH at his work and said “I texted you and _ on Saturday” and he said “yea I know” and walked away. Then she started texting DH over and over later that day and said “You okay? You seemed stressed. I’m worried about you” and then a bunch of texts about his job saying she forgot to ask his boss something while she was there. He didn’t respond for like 2 hours so she asked if he was mad, it was the day before valentines day and he was out getting me stuff after work so he said let me get back to you. Of course she love bombed after that. - Side note DH works 2 jobs so he worked 7 am- 9 pm this day and then went to get stuff for valentine’s day when he got off. So he is avoiding her, but he’s also genuinely limited on time that he has to deal w her.

Then she text in the whole family group text the next morning happy valentine’s day and me and DH didn’t respond so that night she text in separate group of me and DH and said happy valentine’s day love y’all, OP I still have your gift let me know when I can run them by!!” And I didn’t respond but I hearted it the next day. Then she text me the next day and said sorry to bother i wanted to see if i could come drop some stuff off at lunch or after work and she called me and I didn’t answer. I text her and said today wasn’t good for us and I’d talk to DH and we can make plans another time.

DH is avoiding her, and she’s love bombing and gonna blow up about it because she knows we’re avoiding her. And for many reasons we’ve decided I should say something, not DH, we’re working the system here.

I know on my post 2 weeks ago some people said just wait til she does it again and be more stern… but in the moment my husband told her not to do that and that we want to be able to see him. The actual problem is that she didn’t ask before she walked off with my 1 year old, so we didn’t know where LO was, and she didn’t come back when told her to until the 3rd time. This is a safety concern and Im not comfortable visiting until our boundaries are set in stone so we can confidently react knowing we did our part. I’m not waiting for it to happen again to clarify the boundary, I want it clarified beforehand and then we will handle it if it’s crossed.

I want proof that the boundary is set in stone. I want a paper trail because everything is always twisted and part of that is probably bc DH has a hard time communicating things w her. But she knows this and tries to twist and go around it and pretend she doesn’t know. I want to state these things politely and directly. But I can’t hangout w them (esp in a public place) knowing I may look up and not know where my child is.

So what I need help with… right now I have the text formatted to send to the entire family group chat, where it’s me, MIL, FIL, BILS, SIL, and DH. This originally was so that she can’t lie to the rest of the family and send flying monkeys like last time this happened, but now that I think about it if I send it in the whole group message she may can play the card of I’m trying to embarrass her. I just dont know if I should do group text of me, MIL, DH or me, MIL, FIL, DH or the whole family group text. And obviously I’ll need to tweak it based on who all it’s sent to. Also, if yall think something isn’t direct or there’s something I shouldn’t say let me know.

I will be using words like “please” and such because yes I’m asking them to respect our boundaries and if they can’t we will be adjusting visits in a way we see fit and we are comfortable with. Me and DH also fully think that this would be better coming from me than from him (but he’s gonna be in group text and stand w me on it of course)

Edit: deleting the original text I was going to send because I’ve posted what I’m going to say instead at the bottom and some people are being rude. Just a reminder that these situations are hard and not everything’s so black and white. Learning to set boundaries is not easy. Thank you everyone for all of the advice!

If they can’t tell us they understand and are going to follow this, the adjustments that would be made: If they can’t follow this, they can’t hold him when we go out to eat or visits at their place, and if they do want to hold him they can visit us at our apartment. This also applies for if they agree but they still cross the boundary.

I dont know, Im overthinking but really need to get this off my chest and I’m not comfortable visiting until it’s discussed. Today is FILs 300 days sober and his father’s death anniversary is also coming up next week and I love FIL so I want to make sure i’m respectful/ considerate if I should say it tmr instead.

Edit: I’ve taken y’all’s advice, and I’m going to be more direct- thank y’all for the help! If y’all do read this far I think I’m going to say something like this instead:

“Last time we were together, we looked up from the table and didn’t know where LO was, and it was extremely alarming for both DH and myself. We wanted to let you know that we’re not comfortable with people walking away with LO without asking, or not being returned the first time asked. I’m sure you understand. This is very important to us, so we need to know that you will follow this before we make plans.”