I want to step in

I understand why it’s ideal for DH to be the one to set boundaries w his parents… but if he’s having an off day and overthinking/ gets in his head, should I step in?

Had a situation of mil walking off with LO at a restraunt without asking and we looked up & didn’t know where our child was. Don’t even get me started. DH confronted her & made her come back but it took 2-3 times of him saying something and I could tell he was having a hard time & was overthinking. Now he did end it with “I want to be able to see him” but I still think she would do it again.

I kind of want to text and say something about it in a group chat of me, DH, FIL, MIL. I’m not sure if I would send it randomly or before a visit or if I should even do it at all.

“Hey just making sure we’re all on the same page. Please do not walk off with LO without asking first.”

I really want to say “I really didn’t want to step in, but it’s really stressful for us to look up and not know where our child is and we need to know it’s not going to happen again.” I know I’m not supposed to explain when setting boundaries but I think FIL would understand where I was coming from and he wouldn’t let her twist it and manipulate the whole family. I think he would understand the extent of how it affects our family if I said it. But I also think FIL needs to respect DH in that way where he would think the same thing if DH said it.

One time DH called MIL about her overstepping and it was probably about a week after it happened. FIL tried to tell DH he was wrong for bringing it up a week later and needs to handle it when it happens. (probably because mil “already knows” or “already feels bad” and was so determined to not be a psycho this visit and now we broke her heart bc we brought up the past)
But since this happened a week ago, I know DH isn’t going to want to text it bc of FIL saying that.

Possible cons if I text: FIL will prob still give DH crap bc his wife texted and not him, and MIL will prob be passive to me and talk bad behind my back but she probably does that anyway. And it might cause MIL to be so fake and perfectly nice that they think everything can just be normal now and all be besties.

I am sick of MIL’s emotions being what everyone has to be afraid of and cater to.