just need some kind words

hey y'all i feel like such a big baby but i'm on the toliet sobbing right now. on day nine of complete and utter hell: had what i thought was an uti a month ago that never got confirmed but went away after three different kinds of antibiotics. then had yeast, bv. nine days ago felt like i was getting an "uti" again - burning, frequency, feeling of pretty constant urgency, having to go every 15-30 minutes. halfway through it kinda mutated and transformed into extreme pain in my bladder that kinda feels like urgency but kinda doesn't. went to urgent care, gyno, did ultrasound, nothing physically wrong with me so far and no uti. have an appointment with urologist next week. am taking pyridian as prescribed by gyno and the pain is down but the the near constant urgency/irritability is still there. kinda feel like every 90 seconds there's a weird little jolt in my bladder. have started aloe tablets, d-mannose, pumpkin oil but it has only been a few days.

anyways this is so embarassing bc typing it out makes it sound pretty okay but i am in such, such mental anguish over this, in some ways more now that my symptoms have come down to uncomfortable rather than painful. for one week i have thought of nothing else but this, when i try to distract myself, my stomach constricts and my anxiety flares and i feel like this is never going to get better and i am going to be uncomfortable always and eventually the pyridian is going to stop working and then i will be in pain. like legit feeling suicidal about this and like i can't possibly go on for one more second, i guess i just need some kind words rn. i am just in such a dark hole. i've dislocated my shoulder and had a cyst that was so bad they thought it was a stone and i have chronic depression and i don't know if i have ever been worse mentally.