I miss my son

My 2 year old son passed away April 15th. He went into cardiac arrest and underwent cpr for over an hour which caused him to be brain dead. It’s been so difficult and I feel so alone in this. It’s like good days don’t exist anymore. Any time I’m having a good day or moment it’s crushed with the thought that he should be there. I don’t know how to handle any of this. I miss him so much he had so much potential. He was so sweet and loving and had so much personality. He made everyone smile and even now showing pictures still does nothing but bring smiles. I want to talk to him and hug him and hold him and kiss him. I want to hear him say my name. I want to hear him say I love you again. I want to see him glow when he saw me and run over to me with so much excitement again. I don’t want to be here anymore I just want to be with him again. I just miss him so much and every second of every day hurts and I feel like no one understands. I’m tired of hearing people say it’ll get better with time and that it stops hurting. It’ll never get better or stop hurting until I see him again. I keep hearing in my head his time of death call. I keep hearing the doctor say for the first time he won’t make it. I keep hearing the machines beeping and going off. I keep feeling the anxiety and pain when I was told he was gone. I feel the sleep deprivation from the 5 days with no sleep going back and forth to the hospital and work. I keep feeling in my hands how cold he felt on the bed. I can still vividly remember how he smelled in the hospital. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t cried since the day he went to the hospital. I don’t know if this is a rant or asking for advice or what but I just feel like I can’t breathe and I don’t know how to hold on and keep going without my boy.