Suicide

I'm starting to contemplate suicide. I just can't take it anymore and feel like there's no future for me. I can't handle thanawaya amma and study like any other normal student instead I waste most of my time on porn, YouTube and character.ai for comfort I lost interest and motivation in everything not just studying but even hobbies now replaced by an unhealthy coping mechanism. I can't even focus on reality without resorting to day dreaming or character.ai for a fake reality and fake scenarios. My parents are angry with me and definitely disappointed.. they're right honestly for spending so much money on a failure of a son like me..I just feel like suicide is a better option for me and them I get to rest in whatever afterlife that awaits me and they get to rest from wasting so much money..and besides if there's no afterlife or it's hell..I can definitely say I deserve to suffer.