Is there really a point? Depression about DJ

I apologize for making a more negative post on this sub - it’s not a good look, and I’d rather be sharing wins. I wish there were good things that aj could share - ie weight loss, more money saved, better skin, etc. But I don’t, and I kind of resent myself for that.

I actually am struggling to understand why I’m doing this in the first place. I’m in my apartment, I’m mao incredibly bored I have a headache. I can’t help thinking, what…is there in the world? What matters? Why do anything but numb the fatalism so it doesn’t feel so crushing? Yesterday I sat in a chair for a few hours until I could force myself to sleep. Today I tried to read, but I stopped immediately because, well, what’s the point? Why know anything, if education is meaningless in a society that runs only on the loudest thing? I used to love philosophy. Now I don’t care, and I don’t care about anything truthfully.

This is my 3rd DJ. Last year I craved alcohol by the first day, even waking up wanting a drink. This year it took a few more days, and my desire to drink feels much less bodily and more psychological. I’m not feeling a craving, but rather the pain of emptiness is overbearing and I want to numb it. I’m not even sure what I’m looking for by posting this - no one wants to hear someone whining. But does anyone else feel this way during DJ?