[1082] Vacation in the Cubicle

I'd especially like constructive criticism on my prose. Is it readable? I'm trying to make my prose less disjointed and more concise, so let me know if anything is confusing. Thanks!

Here's my short story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/13SRj13HdmJkldp1dER8M9eSNR0RAj3NAVTWPcfHKrbU/edit?usp=sharing

My critique: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1fzq8yh/comment/lrlf8c1/