I need advice

Hello everyone,

I am a baby Christian. I grew up in a very strong atheist household, to the extend where religious people get mocked. Ever since a young age I felt these calling to see beyond the realms and spirituality and deepened myself in mostly meditation, Buddhism etc. I never understood Christianity at this point and I had a bad impression of it from my family.

Then I met my husband, he’s a Christian. He opened my eyes. I saw how beautiful Christianity was and how spiritual it also is. My whole perspective changed and I felt reborn. I still feel reborn every day. I found Christ.

Now, whenever my husband and I are at my family I notice I hide my faith. I don’t speak about. I try to avoid the subject. I feel scared to be judged by them cause I know how they look at it. This causes me to carry an extreme guilt towards God, feeling like I’m failing him as I know I should be glorifying him everywhere I go. I feel so horrible about this and feel scared I will always be too coward.

I pray for God to guide me but then at the same time feel like I’m not even worthy of his love when I basically deny him in front of my family. Well not deny, but I stay quiet, which is basically the same?

Ever since Christ came in my life, and I’ve been actively praying, reading the bible, living according to gods will, my life has been raining with blessings and I just see everything so differently. God is so good. I wanna share these testimonies with my family but I know they will never agree and they will think I’m crazy. I know Jesus said people will hate you because of me. But I’m such a coward :(

I’m sorry for ranting on.

Any advice from more experienced people? Or same situations?