Obvious daddy issues which are completely destroying my life, and I have no idea how to address them

My dad was emotionally absent and also relatively homophobic, although not in an aggressive way - I guess he was just old and close minded and he was more avoidant than actively abusive - plus he had his own demons so he simply didn't really interact with me that much. He's passed now so I won't get any closure with him but the trauma keeps haunting me in terms of my f*cked up relationship with straight men.

Basically, I cannot trust them. They scare me. But at the same time, I crave love and care from them.

There is this new guy at work who's the prettiest man ever. And he's extremely pro-LGBT. And he's nice and sweet. He's soft spoken and smart and just everything that I like in a man. And, he's straight and married with kids.

I fell for him. Of course I did. I always do. I fall hard for any straight guy who will give me the least bit of attention and acts like a half decent human being. It catches me off guard and I lose any rationality. And then of course I get even more miserable because they're straight and it just won't work.

I have the emotional maturity of a 5 year old. But I am in my 30s and I'm way too old for that. I want an adult relationship, I'm a monogamous LTR-oriented person but I have never had any kind of romantic involvement with anyone, not even a flirt or a kiss or a hookup for that matter. I am deeply unhappy. I feel I will never be able to love or be loved. I don't even know if or how I can address this.

EDIT: just wanted to make it clear that I would never try to do anything with him, he's straight, it's off the table and I know that, period.