Who else missed out on your teenage romance? Do you still long for it?

This is going to sound really strange. Yesterday I was at an event as a participating sponsor. It was your typical fun fair- family, couples, food stalls, games and entertainment. The event had a lot of young guys, probably 18-20 (some may be even younger) as volunteers. I got to talk to a lot of them and they seemed pretty confident and cool. They also looked quite good for their age- fit, stylish, nicely groomed hair, charming, polite yet fun at the same time. I couldn't help but compare myself to them when I was their age. Skinny, shy, sickly looking, greasy hair, glasses wearing nerd. When I met these guys, I wanted to be them in that moment. I started imagining what my life would be if I looked like them and had their confidence in my teenage years. Started wondering that if I looked like them, I would have had such a different experience as a teen. I would have been popular, would have had relationships, would probably be so much more confident now that I am. I am 33 now and still have self-esteem issues.

I never experience teen romance back then. Already figuring out that I am gay and having crushes on guys plus getting severely bullied was messing up with me. And I was very shy, awkward, unpopular in my teen years. Still am but I fake being an extrovert at times. However even now there's a part of me that longs for that teenage romance. Having a crush, having a boyfriend, being cute etc, I never got to experience that and I feel like I have never really moved on from that. I still don't have any boyfriend or relationships (this is the topic for another day). I guess it's why I have rewatched Heartstopper show so many times. I feel like I get to be a teen again and experience everything- friendship, love, relationship in a way that I would have liked.

It sounds stupid but I don't know why meeting these guys brought all these feelings back which I hadn't paid much attention to. Obviously I can't turn back time but I am wondering if someone else feels this way?