33M On the verge of giving up AM. (ex-hearing impaired)

I am 33M, from Pune, highly educated, multiple-startup founder, with an excellent academic record and sharp intellect. Earning 18-20 LPA. So, I want to tell you my struggle with matrimony apps. I'll begin by giving a brief background about myself.

I went to the best convent school in Pune city, all boys, which I got admission into by passing their tough entrance for 2nd standard. I was a nerd in school and always made interesting science fair projects. I used to do experiments. I wanted to be dexter from dexter's lab (cartoon network reference). I excelled academically, read tons of books, interested in metaphysical sciences, space travel, mars and the likes. i used to study hard and read novels and science books in school.

Then for 7th standard, my parents admitted me to a strict residential army school where no contact with parents was allowed throughout the year. No phones, cash and civil clothes allowed. we wore 7 different uniforms throughout the year for different purposes. The goal was discipline. An all boys school, i never saw girls.

In 7th two kids junior to me beat me up and went. I got admitted to the ICU with a saline drip. the end result was 95% sensorineural hearing loss, I couldn't hear a single thing. The hearing loss was gradual over the course of 6 months, so it had the boiling frog effect (I never came to know about my loss). I could make out though that I had difficulty listening to the teacher in class. I made up for it by reading all my textbooks before class. This way i maintained my academic record by reading what I couldn't hear. I aced quizzes and topped my class. But due to my inability to hear, i never made friends and developed relationships and social skills. I started working out and getting muscular to scare off bullies. In 9th and 10th standard my performance in class dropped due to depression and social alienation (due to my inability to hear). It went from 95% marks to 70% marks. Since i got to meet my parents only once a year there wasn't much communication with them. They assumed that i was getting carried away with the wrong friends and ignoring studies. So they used to beat me up every time i visited home. Fast forward to 11th standard I moved back home. over the course of 11th standard my parents realised i have a hearing disability. I started using hearing aids. but since the disability was 95%, the hearing aids didn't really help. In college I faced the inability to talk with girls or boys and i developed a low self confidence which affected my entire life.

I went on to clear IIT-JEE and secured a seat in IIT-Bombay, but wishing to do something creative, i studied architecture in a tier one private institute, during which i continued my research, experiments and tech interests.

i had always been associated with some spiritual foundations and genuine spiritual gurus and their lineages. At the age of 25, through a friend of mine from one of these circles, I found a doctor in south India who did nerve therapy and surgeries, through a friend of mine. Over 4 years of multiple visits and rigorous self-discipline and treatment+therapy, the doctor miraculously got my hearing back. but it didnt end there. i had to do music therapy for 2 more years to get my brain accustomed to hearing sounds. 16 years later i could hear again.

It took me 3 years to get back to talking to people normally and conversing. I went through lot of mental disorders to come back to normal life. I did a masters and performed top. After leaving my job i got into the startup space, armed with an idea that is ahead of its time and began securing funding for the product. My tech. product is currently in testing stage and i have already gotten several clients.

My mom started pressurizing me to find a girl for marriage at the age of 32. The AM setup is like a business deal, its all about money.

I talked to and met over 25 women over JS. Some didn't work out mainly due to my inability to socialise with them. Most of them rejected me. And I rejected 4 due to my insecurities. I met some girls' families too. Out of all these two cases particularly stand out. I met a girl 4 years senior to me. Over 2 months she disclosed things to me that were not at all acceptable to me. I still accepted her in a desperation to find a partner. The girl turned out to be a liar, years elder than she had actually promised and hugely unstable financially (she has 7 siblings elder to her. shes elder to me. none of them work.) she would give all her salary home and expect me to give her 30 k per month for her debts. She has 2 lakhs in debt with negative cibil. when we began talking i made her speak with my mother. She never got her parents to talk to me or my parents but regularly asked me for money to support herself. when we met the last time she lost her shit and shouted on me and made a scene over small things. After my parents' advice i stopped talking to her since it was affecting my life negatively.

After that i met a girl on JS who was 7 years younger to me. The girl is very beautiful, hardworking and accepted me for what I was. We liked each other. I met her parents. They came home to see our family. They made random excuses and stopped talking to us. We later came to know her dad was criminally charged and had an ongoing case since years which they hadnt disclosed. The financial and social gap was way too much. I come from a family that is in politics, government, administration and doctors. our family had a poor and humble beginning but education is our strength. Everyone studied hard and went to IITs/ IIMs and many did MBBS and MD. All my cousins are settled abroad. my dad struggled initially since we are not from a business background, but grew through efforts.

I am an emotional person and can date only to marry. These two girls were the opposite, after this i lost the faith in AM.

WHY? Because being 33, every girl asked me about why i didn't find a girl till now, when i told them the reason of being hearing impaired they wouldnt believe me. i have all the medical certificates and records by doctors. The girls would expect me to be earning 5 lakhs per month given my education nd well to do family, NO objection, i too agree money is important to live is this competitive economy. When i told them that i am earning 18 LPA they were happy but then they wanted more. My startups are going to scale up in a year and more and will be roping in high profits thanks to my revenue model and business strategies. But AM girls didnt believe this as such cases are rare. Only 5% of all startups are successful. The only guarantee i have to show is my medical certificate of having a 97th percentile IQ (top 3 percent people in the world have this IQ level) and my academic performance. They still don't believe. I realised that arranged marriage is not the way for me.

Edit: PS: although I was well built in college, I gained Covid and I'm working on myself to lose the extra kgs and come back down to 75. Edit: The two rejections I faced were not easy on me. I was involved in both the girls deeply and had fallen in love with them. It was emotionally challenging to forget them later.

TLDR; Exceptionally promising career, 33M. Earning 20 LPA atm. Frustrated with bad experience in AM setup. Advice needed for search.

Only through an impromptu and lucky godsent opportunity can i find someone who understands me and loves me and sees the potential in me.

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