I've figured out how to stand out to ivies

And its not curing cancer, getting a 1600, or graduating top of your class. Think about it-- how many 1600 valedictorians get rejected from schools like harvard, St Anford, U Pennis? I'm pretty sure harvard alone rejects 10,000 valedictorians every hour. AOs see the same "perfect" copy pasted profile for weeks on end-- and they reject them all.

No, being in the top 1% isn't working-- so why not try the bottom 1%??? How better to ensure your application sticks in the AO's mind than to make them wonder how you figured out how to submit your application and keep your head upright at the same time? Instead of wowing them with out of this world ECs like "research" and "$100k fundraisers", show them your unique passion for cultivating various types of molds beneath your toenails and licking antique lead spoons. Instead of writing an essay that gets published in the new york times, write one that gets published above your local glory hole. (hell, you can even write it yourself-- it shows initiative!)

This is why I've decided to submit my 0.13 GPA, 36 SAT, and 13 IQ to every t20! I'm so confident in my strategy that I've preemptively withdrawn from my state school, my local LAC, and community college by verbally assaulting their deans at a miami publix.